hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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