i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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