Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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