Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
