I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
