i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
