hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
