hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
