Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
