My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
