Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you didnt know i had herpes?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
