k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
