But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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