If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
