Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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