I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
