I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
