I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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