I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
operation harelip BJ is a go
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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