I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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