i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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