Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize