my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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