3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
