she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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