I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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