Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
