girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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