I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
