It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
