Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
