I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
