I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
