My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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