he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize