You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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