your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
