I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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