somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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