I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
