my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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