Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
