I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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