Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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