I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I wish my penis had an off switch
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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