I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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