How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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