I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
