How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
