This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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