ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
