I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You have to summon your inner elephant
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
