You surviving the open bar?
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I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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