You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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