One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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