My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
