dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
