I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
