Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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