I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
