If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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