And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
