This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
