capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
