I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
