so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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