Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
