He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
