This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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