And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
