I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
