Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
