I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
