Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.