Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.