tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends