Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?

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  (314): I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university? http://tfl.nu/bxwk
  Replies (37) Good night (6232) Bad night (767)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.

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  (304): just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter. http://tfl.nu/doob
  Replies (10) Good night (5272) Bad night (493)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

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  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (50) Good night (3216) Bad night (5818)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.

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  (778): When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back. http://tfl.nu/pu4u
  Replies (18) Good night (4439) Bad night (2127)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country

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  (443): i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country http://tfl.nu/m3r6
  Replies (7) Good night (2234) Bad night (596)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here

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  (503): i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here http://tfl.nu/1c81
  Replies (5) Good night (811) Bad night (1118)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.

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  (505): Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard. http://tfl.nu/5mz2
  Replies (17) Good night (3324) Bad night (575)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.

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  (651): I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class. http://tfl.nu/5a7w
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (782)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

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  (719): Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs. http://tfl.nu/ixry
  Replies (3) Good night (1521) Bad night (470)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.

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  (813): I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa. http://tfl.nu/wwaj
  Replies (8) Good night (860) Bad night (372)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?

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  (320): How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash? http://tfl.nu/c8co
  Replies (13) Good night (671) Bad night (276)
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  (714): View more from California

  I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?

  (1-714): View more from California

  Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious

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  (714): I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife? (1-714): Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious http://tfl.nu/3lv6
  Replies (4) Good night (1220) Bad night (400)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.

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  (412): FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL. http://tfl.nu/yext
  Replies (3) Good night (483) Bad night (258)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.

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  (203): If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that. http://tfl.nu/gaz3
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (228)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...

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  (215): You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected... http://tfl.nu/3okc
  Replies (0) Good night (482) Bad night (238)

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