ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
