I'd wear matching sweaters with you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest