just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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