this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So apparently I’m into choking now
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