Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize