I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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