Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
