she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize