Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
